Weaning: The Effects on Mom
In my last blog, we discussed how to wean your baby (whether that be mom-led, baby-led, or because of a medical need, etc). In that blog we discuss keeping the emotional closeness with baby throughout the weaning process. In this blog, I want to discuss the emotional effects weaning may have on moms. So often I hear comments from moms saying “Am I supposed to feel like I’m going crazy when weaning? My emotions are all over the place!”— so valid! Let’s talk about it.
hormone SHIFTS
Not only are there hormonal components that come into play during the weaning process, there are also mental and emotional elements as well. We want to take all of this into consideration and learn how we can best care for ourselves during this process. I've personally had a wide range of emotions when weaning each of my kids (4 times now!), from trying to figure it out as a first-time mom, to being excited to have met my goal and ready to be done, to feeling as though I was hit like a ton of bricks with emotions.
Think about this: Prolactin (the milk-making hormone) helps you feel relaxed, calm, and bonded with your baby. Meanwhile oxytocin (the milk ejection reflex, or “letdown” hormone), is the feel-good hormone- it makes you feel happy. We are producing these in large amounts during breastfeeding. We've been producing these consistently and frequently every time we feed our baby. Once we start cutting down nursing/pumping sessions (especially if we do it quickly) our bodies may have trouble adjusting to that quick change. These hormones drop quickly once we drop a session or wean completely, and that can lead to experiencing some negative emotions alongside weaning. *That's not to say if you have to wean quickly, that you're for sure going to experience this mixed bag of emotions, and it’s not to say if you go super slow with weaning, you won't experience them. The potential is just based on how our body is responding to those hormone shifts.* On top of prolactin and oxytocin hormones, we also have our cycle of fluctuating estrogen and progesterone levels that contribute to how we feel overall. Then add in how we emotionally feel about the breastfeeding/ pumping journey concluding, and we begin to understand why some women report feeling “crazy” while weaning.
Something that can help lessen the effects of these hormone shifts on our bodies is weaning rather slowly. (I talked about how to do this here.) Giving our body time to adjust, if possible, can make the process feel less jarring physically, hormonally, emotionally, and to our babies. This allows the physical aspect of slowing down and regulating milk supply (not leading to clogged ducts or mastitis) to take place and for our hormones to gradually decline. For this reason, I mentioned eliminating one feed at a time over the course of a few days in my previous post on weaning. Kind of like a steady decline for our hormones rather than a cliff jump, ya know?
emotions REGARDING WEANING
As I said above, I’ve had such a wide range of emotions while weaning each of my kids. With Nora, I was ready to be done. So every few days, if she was doing well and accepting the change, I'd eliminate the next feed, until we were finished breastfeeding. With Lou, it was the opposite. When we got down to the last two feeds, I was like “Woah! Am I ready for this?... I'm not ready for this!”. As individualized as the entire breastfeeding journey is for each person (even from baby to baby for the same mom), the process of weaning is going to be so unique for everyone as well.
Your feelings may even change throughout the process. Feelings can change before/during/after and it's okay to feel however you feel! All feelings are valid. Some feelings may even surprise us! You may be ready for the journey to be finished. You’ve given this journey your all for however many weeks, months, or years, but it's time for this to be done. You feel ready, but maybe once the process is over, you feel sad about it. Sometimes emotions come up that we’re not expecting, and that’s okay! Maybe there are feelings of grief or guilt because weaning is taking place due to a medical reason, or something completely out of your control and this isn’t the ending you had in mind or how long you were expecting to breastfeed your baby. Validate yourself, try journaling your feelings, or talk to someone about how you feel. Maybe you only feel excited for weaning to be done, and that's perfectly good as well! Celebrate your journey and how far you made it! How you’re feeling is a piece of who you are, but remember it can also be a part of the hormonal shifts that happen during weaning.
Some moms experience more intense emotions and symptoms while weaning. You may feel depressed, which can look like sadness, crying often, loneliness, anxiety, irritability, and/or insomnia. These feelings are common and can be triggered by hormone fluctuations. If you are experiencing depressive symptoms related to weaning, let your healthcare provider know right away. Not only can you talk through these things with them, but they can also potentially give you a referral or a reference to somebody who specializes in perinatal mental health or postpartum mental health. It can be really helpful to talk through this with someone who specializes in helping women with hormone fluctuations, emotions, and feelings regarding weaning. Weaning/ post-weaning depression is real. For me, knowing the signs and symptoms of weaning depression, knowing that I was not just “going crazy”, and knowing there was a reason behind what I was going through was imperative. Then seeking out that help and talking through what I was feeling and thinking was so helpful.
PHYSICAL ASPECTS OF weaning
When weaning, remember to keep yourself comfortable. If you need to hand express, use the Haakaa, or manual pump off a little to be more comfortable, that’s okay. Do not let yourself feel engorged as this can lead to clogged ducts or even mastitis. Pump to relieve the pressure, but not to empty your breasts, otherwise your body will be signaled to keep producing milk for that feeding. When we eliminate the feed slowly, over several days, our body gets the message that milk isn’t needed at that time, and will, in turn, regulate down.
I find it helpful to remember the other end of the spectrum of breastfeeding- when you were just getting started. Our bodies went slowly and made more milk as our baby's belly grew in size during those first few weeks and months. Our body likes gradual and needs time to adjust. Just as when attempting to boost milk supply, it takes time for the signals and stimulation we are giving our body to register. It is the same with weaning. It can take a few days to weeks before our body understands that milk is not needed at the time when we were previously feeding our baby. (Understandably, not everyone can go slowly with this process.)
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. The process of weaning can look like whatever you want it to look like. Maybe your goal is to just keep the morning/night feeding for your baby. Go at the pace that works for you! Remember, just as there can be hiccups with baby during the weaning process (teething, illness), there can also be things on our end that don’t go as we anticipate. And that's okay. We’re moms, we’re going to remember to show ourselves grace and adjust, be flexible, and do what works best.
IN CONCLUSION
Weaning is not giving up. Weaning is ending a journey that you had, to start a new one- whatever that may be, and for whatever reason you need, or want, or choose. All are valid. For whatever reason you may choose to wean, you can feel however you need to feel about it. By giving yourself room to feel and process, you can better understand how to move forward appropriately and into the next phase for you and your baby. Whether that's formula, donor milk, toddlerhood, or whatever is next on your journey. I think letting yourself experience whatever you need to feel about this transition is important. Take and embrace whatever emotions come up for you and if you’re having a hard time, talk to your healthcare provider.
RESOURCES
The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline provides free and confidential mental health support for moms and their families before, during, and after pregnancy from professional counselors. Their number is 1-833-852-6262 and can be called or texted 24/7 in the US.
Postpartum Support International can be called or texted globally at 1-800-944-4773 24/7 to leave a confidential message. A trained and caring volunteer will return your call or text. Volunteers return messages between 8 am to 11 pm EST. They will listen, answer questions, offer encouragement, and connect you with local resources as needed.
